


sold everything I had (for something I can't seem to find)

by LovlieLittleLies



Series: didn't know I had to read your mind [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, Liam's kind of a dick, M/M, Sex, This is really sad, but it's not his fault, but not really graphic sex, idk why I do these things, they don't really talk, zayn's sad, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 09:34:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6279199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovlieLittleLies/pseuds/LovlieLittleLies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they meet up, Zayn is not nervous.<br/>-<br/>Zayn and Liam hook up in a sleazy motel and there's just a lot of angst and sadness basically</p>
            </blockquote>





	sold everything I had (for something I can't seem to find)

**Author's Note:**

> basically I had an idea and just started writing and this happened. I'm both proud of it and very saddened by it. Probably not my best work, but it's decent. Thanks for reading xx
> 
> Title from The Life by Hinder

The first time they meet up, Zayn is not nervous. 

His feet are shoved into a pair of trainers that are untied and feel a bit too worn in, his hair is still damp and matted down to his head, and he has a jacket on over only a pair of sweats. 

He hasn't seen Liam in what feels like years but was only a few months, hasn't even heard his voice since the last time they were together in person. When Liam's name had come up on his phone at nearly three in the morning, he'd been a bit shocked. Nothing could have shocked him more than reading a message that requested his presence without any further explanation. 

The motel he pulls up to is quite possibly the sleaziest place he's ever seen. Zayn's never been in Burbank before, and he was surprised that Liam had even considered coming all the way out here just to find a bit of privacy. Surely he could have found them a five star bathroom in the hills to meet up in. But Liam's Liam, so Zayn gets out of the car and presses the lock button four times before heading up the stairs beside him. 

The door is unlocked when he gets there, and Zayn is mildly aware that something should be wrong with that. Maybe that had been their signal at when they'd stayed next to each other on the top floors of ridiculously large buildings and had security guards (who did a very good job of pretending not to see them sneak into each other's beds every night, thank you very much) posted at the end of the hall, but this is.... Zayn shakes his head. This is different, and dangerous. He spends a second worrying about Liam's safety and then his own before pushing the door open. 

Zayn doesn't need lights to realise that Liam must be drunk out of his mind. The smell of the small room is enough - Zayn is immediately overwhelmed with the scent of alcohols he can't even name. "Liam?" His voice is barely a whisper, but he feels like screaming. He jumps over the shoes by the door and walks to the bed, picking up the t-shirt draped over the edge of it. 

The light to the bathroom has been off, so Zayn almost falls off the bed when it opens. He can tell that Liam's completely naked, but his head is down so he can't see his expression. Zayn notes how weird that is, remembers Liam's giggle as he whispered in Zayn's ear about how much he loved feeling Zayn's hands removing his clothes, but decides that it was the alcohol. Liam always runs a small fever when he drinks, just like Louis gets a little chill. 

Liam's hands are on him before he knows what's happening, and they're moving fast. He can't see anything in the dark, can feel Liam everywhere. Something in his mind tells him that this is too much too quick, and that he should slow them down. They never do things rough and dirty and quick, they both like admiring the other way too much for that, but that's what this is. This is not normal, this is not right. But Zayn has Liam's body against his own and he can't bring himself to give a fuck what's right and wrong. 

This is too fast for Zayn. He doesn't realise that they've even started until he hears a quiet groan and Liam pulls out of him. He takes a second to catch his breath, remembers Liam's fingers and cock and lets himself feel the slight ache from not being stretched open like this is months. Liam is everywhere and nowhere, touching him but not. He can feel Liam's chest against his, feels every bit of them touching, but misses the gentle trace of Liam's fingers and the little brush of his lips. His mind is screaming wrongwrongwrong but he doesn't pull away. 

Liam never made a sound the whole time, and Zayn feels his gut twist when he realises that. Even when Liam was eighteen and blushed any time Zayn's hands went near his waistband, he'd been unable to hold back. Zayn used to joke that he was going to record his whimpers and moans just to get himself off to when he couldn't have the real Liam, that his loud noises were half the reason Zayn found him so hot. 

His train of thought is interrupted as Liam's hand wraps around his cock and gets him off expertly. Liam knows every little thing that sets Zayn on edge, just where to twist and flick his wrist and brush his fingertips. He whines Liam's name and moans loudly when he comes, and maybe he's trying to make up for Liam's silence because he makes an effort to be as loud as he can. 

He feels even worse when he realises that Liam came first and didn't wait for him. He can't remember the last time Liam came first, can't remember the last night they spent together that they didn't slow down to wait for the other. If anything, Liam always made it seem like he couldn't come without Zayn doing it first. 

Liam isn't on the bed anymore. Zayn hears the bathroom sink running and smiles to himself, knowing Liam will be back in a second with a wet flannel to clean them both up and warm arms for Zayn to snuggle into. But then he hears the clink of a belt buckle and the slam of a heavy duty motel door closing, and Liam's gone before Zayn's heartbeat has even returned to a normal pace. 

It takes a long time for him to move. When his toes start to get cold, he stands up and reaches for his sweatpants, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table. The red numbers hurt his eyes, but it hurts more when he focuses and realises that it's been half an hour since he parked his car outside. 

At the last minute, Zayn sees Liam's shirt on the end of the bed. He puts that on instead of his own, and it only helps to make him feel more empty. If he hurries, he can make it back to the bed he's meant to be in before the sun rises. 

One Direction's new single comes on the radio as he pulls out of his parking spot. Zayn turns the radio off. 

It's not until he's crawling into the bed he abandoned when he got Liam's text that he realises Liam never spoke a word to him, only made one little noise the whole time. But that's not what scares him the most. 

What makes his heart stop beating is realising that Liam never kissed him, and Liam always kisses him. There was no affection, no love. That wrong feeling he got was right. He should have stopped Liam, slowed them down, talked to the man he was in love with. Maybe he doesn't deserve to feel abandoned and angry, because he knows that's how Liam must have felt when he left, but he does. 

Zayn falls asleep with Liam's shirt on.

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously all the usual disclaimers, I own none of these people and this is all fiction. 
> 
> Hope you liked it at least a little, I'll possibly make a part 2? Idk I have an idea so maybe? Let me know what you think?


End file.
